I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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