I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
someone owes me an orgasm
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
