it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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