I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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