the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
