I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
