There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
