he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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