Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
