Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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