Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
