i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize