marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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