Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
