I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
