i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
