she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i came on her dog
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
