Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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