I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
