Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
