So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
