It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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