is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
