Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
