entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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