if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it glows. i had to have it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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