Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
