It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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