woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
