how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
