The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
