Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
