His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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