Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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