I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
