you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
