Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I supernannyed him into submission
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
