Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
