do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
