my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
