I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
