I'm laying in your front yard are you home
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My bed smells like the plague
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
