remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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