I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize