There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
