There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
