I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
