I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
