She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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