did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
