idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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