in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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