She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
