Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
