Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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