Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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