OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
