i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
