So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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