Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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