Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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