he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So much rum. So many feels.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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