You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
