Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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