There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
