first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize