Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize