When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
