I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
