The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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