Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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