the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
