My cat gives me a boner
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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