i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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